Changing Your Mind

Thoughts are like a running dialogue in your brain. They come and go quickly, often so fast that they go unquestioned. Because our thoughts are closely connected to how we feel and how we act, certain patterns can significantly influence how we interpret past experiences, understand our present circumstances, and approach the future. This blog series explores one of the most common drivers of unhelpful thinking patterns: cognitive distortions.

Cognitive distortions are tricky thoughts that make us see situations in ways that aren’t entirely accurate. They function as mental shortcuts: automatic, efficient, and often unnoticed. While mental shortcuts are not inherently harmful, they can quietly bend reality in ways that increase stress, intensify anxiety, deepen shame, and shape behavior in ways that do not serve us.

It’s important to note that having cognitive distortions is not a personal flaw. They are a normal part of being human, especially during periods of stress, uncertainty, or vulnerability. However, when these distortions occur frequently or intensely, they can begin to feel like objective truth rather than subjective interpretation. This is often where people get stuck. Not because their circumstances are unmanageable, but because their thoughts about those circumstances go unquestioned.

Consider a high school athlete who thrives as the star player on their varsity team. Success is consistent, feedback is reinforcing, and over time their identity becomes closely tied to performance. A subtle distortion begins to take shape: continued sports success feels like proof of general worth and competence, while anything less starts to feel like failure. Because achievement keeps reinforcing this belief, it rarely gets questioned.

When the athlete transitions to college sports, the circumstances shift – playing time decreases, injuries occur, and competition intensifies. Though these experiences are common at higher levels, they may be interpreted as personal shortcomings rather than contextual challenges. The narrative shifts from “This is a difficult transition” to “I wasn’t good enough.” As nuance fades, past accomplishments are discounted and self-doubt grows. All based in a single subjective outcome, “I was never good enough to play in college.”

Awareness begins with noticing the pattern. The key shift is not reframing the career as a “success,” but recognizing how the mind has reduced a complex, multi-year experience into a single, absolute verdict. When the player can pause and identify the underlying thought, “Because I didn’t reach this level, my entire career was a failure”, they start to see that this conclusion is not a fact, but an interpretation shaped by the cognitive distortion called all-or-nothing thinking.

These patterns show up in everyday life. If someone goes on a date and the other person does not show up, they might immediately conclude, “Something is wrong with me,” reflecting personalization and jumping to conclusions. A single disagreement with a partner can turn into “We always fight,” showing overgeneralization. A delayed text message may become “They’re losing interest,” reflecting catastrophizing.

In each case, the external event differs, but the internal process is similar: a single moment is used to define overall worth, competence, or relational security. Context is minimized. Alternative explanations are ignored. The thought feels logical and true, especially when emotions are strong.

Cognitive distortions are influential precisely because they are subtle. They do not announce themselves as distortions. They feel familiar, convincing, and justified. Without awareness, these patterns can quietly shape how we see ourselves, how we relate to others, and what we believe is possible moving forward.